I posted on Facebook that today it feels like a switch has been flipped in my soul. As my last post showed, I have been struggling with ongoing discontent and worry in my life for a long time now. I always know that I am blessed and I am grateful; however, some situations in my life have been weighing me down and making me feel that things in my life were not quite right. They were definitely not as God would have them be.
Over the weekend, I think my husband wondered if I was going insane. I don’t like to talk about my feelings when I’m still figuring out what they are, and that bothered him. Then I finally made some statements that must have sounded odd. TV was ruining our lives, I said. I felt like a failure looking at the house a mess and cluttered all the time. And as the family bill-payer, I felt trapped by the struggle our finances had been lately.
So I spent Sunday fasting. I didn’t eat until dinner. I didn’t watch TV. I stayed off the computer and my phone as much as possible. I had to get away from the constant self-entertainment, which had led me to isolation and an inability to think deeply about anything. After church and Sunday School, I rested. I talked to my family. Then I cleaned (my husband had already come home and started cleaning, after my comment about the house). I just lived life without distractions. I opened myself up and let God work. At the time, I’m not even sure I knew what I was doing. I just knew that I had to make a change.
Of course, when you open up to God, He typically responds over and above what you could ever hope to expect. By Monday morning, I felt like a new person. Something fresh and renewed had blown through my soul and cleared out all the spiritual cobwebs. I had made room for God, and He had moved right in. I was suddenly willing and able to follow God’s direction in areas of my life that had been a struggle for months. It wasn’t that I hadn’t known all along what to do, and that it would help me to overcome these struggles. I just hadn’t wanted to, or hadn’t thought I could.
The reality of my life hasn’t really changed at all, but my response to it has. This change is not of my doing. God gets all of the credit. He took my little baby step of faith and turned it into a giant leap out of a spiritual morass of my own making. He can do that for you, too. For every step we take in faithfulness, God will meet us so much more than halfway.